I made it through work. I was very unsure how I was going to manage this new diet plan with my work demands. And let’s face it, being only able to eat certain things is not the easiest when you don’t have a kitchen and fridge to store, prep and just make this whole idea work.

Some how I did manage, and even felt some what OK with myself. I came home to find some great food cooked for me via my very very great mother and began to chow down. As we sat around the table eating whatever we could, I casually sat back in my chair and went to place my feet on the bars under my chair when I soon realized they were not there. In a flash a knew that was happening, slammed my cup on the table and went “Geronimo” straight to the floor. My chair collapsed, leaving me pancaked on our dining room floor with many a spectators looking on. My husband came running over as my father proceeded to hail mary that he did not sit in that chair and how he was grateful and etc etc etc. Needless to say, I now have a bruised tale bone, a crappy diet and still am one step further away from getting that cupcake I want.

Today I got worse and hurt more.

Why am I doing this? Because I am sick. On the verge of well shortening my life span in half, and well trying to save what little amount of sanity my husband still has left. Lets face it, if candida doesn’t get me, my husband might. I’m sick and just miserable. So if I am doing this for anyone, it’s for him.

I drank my orange shake. Well, more like chugged it. Popped my pills and started my day.

The next 4 hours ended up being filled with tears & tears and more tears. When you’re a sugar addict, it’s hard to battle those cravings. I think in a small, small way I know what people in drug detox programs have to go through. And people, this is only Day 2 for me. How am I going to get through 5 weeks of this?! Forget that 5 weeks, the rest of my life?!

I cried again. Watched some ”I love Lucy” and ended the day sad, mad and tired.

Today I barely survived.

Even though apparently I have been told this before. It was undoubtably confirmed that I have a intense case of Candida. And when I use the word intense I mean out of the 40 questions I had to answer to determine if my symptoms added up with the cause, I proudly stated “YES” to 37 of them. Truth be told I could have said yes to maybe all of them, but I didn’t want to let this disease have that much control over me. I needed some sort of edge on it. As little as it may be.

Of course the Doctor then stated how I can get rid of this little bugger and it wasn’t going to be that hard. Well bring it on, I mean why not. I’m big, bad and have conquered MUCH worse, right? Right?!

So after what seemed like half my life. Over 50 lbs of pills. Shakes and who knows what else.. I walked to my car and sorta *sighed* as I sat down. And here we go again. I drove home and prepared to start Day 1. Why does Day 1 seem like such a big deal? Well because I now can count what I can eat on two hands. Sugar ( of any kind, and yes that means fruit ) is gone, no dairy, no wheat, and most importantly NO cupcakes! This was going to be a long.. life.

I started the day with a shake and NO this shake is NOT good. Not even close to being anything. It’s like a tease between air, foam and something it should have been and never will be. I begged my mom to help make this into some sort of pudding, but failed as usual and ended up with the same foam thing I started with. This of course was happening while I was popping pills like a drug addict. I know that in many ways I have it easy.. and I’ll express my gratitude for that. But as of now I take it one day at a time.

Today I survived.

Sometimes in my life I feel like this. And when I don’t feel like this, I want to feel like this.

Tuesday, You have become my new longest day of the week. I’ll be glad to see you gone.

{ www.robertaboyd.com

I’ve been gone for quiet some time, time that has ended up looking like close to a month now. Life has a way of changing and moving. Leading us into new and unforeseen directions. That just so happened to me. My life tends to move in 2 year increments, meaning every two year’s I need to sit down and determine what I want to do with the next two years of my life. Sometime I am happy for the change and sometime I am not.